I no longer feel personal shame over my son's addiction. He is an adult and his choices, however bad, are his. It took me years to accept that and let go.
I am, however, cautious and selective about who I share with about any of this. My support groups here and in real life know all my story. At work or when we meet people who don't know our background and ask about our children, I simply say we have one son who we haven't seen or heard from for over 10 years. Usually they don't pursue it, but if they do I may say "he is lost in addiction and I really don't like to talk about it" and find they understand. I am surprised how many people reply "you too? Our daughter/cousin/brother/pick a relative also had/has a serious addiction problem."
I still don't engage with them but I do tell them how much meetings helped me regain my balance and reclaim my life.
My point is, there comes a time where we don't have to feel judged by what our children do. It's a good sign of recovery when we can get past this.
Step one helped me do that with the first part..."We admitted we were powerless over others/addiction/our addicted loved ones" depending on what meeting you are at).
The nice part is that my life is no longer unmanageable. Thank You God.
Hugs