gg1990

Hi guys.

I'm new here. I am 23 years old and my boyfriend was/is addicted to heroin, cocaine, and other stuff that I don't even know. He almost died in several occasions and he used to lie to me all the time. I smoked pot before but I once got arrested for possession so I decided I was not going to do any kind of drugs ever again nor did I want to have anything to do with anybody who was involved with them either.

I met my boyfriend February 2013 and although I knew he smoked pot, and I had said I didn't want someone like that in my life, I let him in as I thought he was the most intelligent, caring and loving person I had ever met. And I thought that pot wasn't as bad as other stuff (I had no idea he was doing other drugs). Anyway, our relationship was perfect. We decided to move in together in September and that's when the issues started. Over the summer he had a bad trip on psychedelics and he swore he wouldn't touch anything ever again. This of course was a lie. A few weeks after we moved in to the new apartment I found weed there and confronted him to which he said he wouldn't do it ever again.

And things kept going just like that until one day I found a vial with white powder. I freaked out. He is bipolar and has had a series of manic episodes that led to him being in a psychiatric ward in a hospital so he said it was methadone that he was using just to feel better and that because of his depression he was always in pain but the methadone helped. Once again he promised he would stop. Lies. I found other white powder again. Promises. Lies. I found a spoon with a lighter and syringes in a night table. I had enough. Left the apartment and didn't come back till the next day. I was decided to leave him. I didn't want to hurt anymore, I didn't want him to bring me down with him. I already had (and still ahve) my own issues to deal with and I didn't need his BS. Anyway, he promised he would stop and that he would get help.

Thankfully, his parents are very supportive and helped to pay for rehab. Which he checked in at last week. He will be away for 3 months. His parents accepted to pay for his treatment with the condition that he can never come back to where we used to live. He will have to move to a different state. Everyone expects me to move wherever he goes but I like where I live now and my family is here too. I don't want to leave them. But I miss him so much. I am still in love with him and feel so lonely that I have no one to come home to. He is not there anymore to cuddle me at night. He is not next to me when I wake up every day and this is bringing me down. I don't know if I can be without him. I understand he is getting the treatment he needs so we can have a better life together but it is just so hard, I can't take it.

He has very busy days with his treatment so he can't call me all the time. But whenever he calls he sounds so happy and it seems like he is doing so well that I don't want to bring him down by saying I need him with me, that I am not doing well and that I miss him like crazy. Nobody in my family or friends know about his issue because if I told them they would tell me to leave him. But they don't know him like I do and I don't want to leave him. But it's hard not having someone to share what I'm going through and this is why I came here. Please someone help me. I don't know what to do. I have tried everything exercising, going out, working more and nothing seems to work. What else can I do? I don't want to feel down anymore.

So sorry for the long post but I needed to vent. I can't keep caging in my emotions or else I will break down. Please someone tell me things will get better. Please.