benefits

I just finished reading a book on Co-Dependency and I have found that a lot of the things in this book that they list as co-dep traits are traits my exAB had in his relationship prior to our relationship. In the past relationship he was the sole financial supporter, his ex rarely worked and when she did it was just part time and she spend the money on herself, she never helped with the household bills, food, etc. He was responsible for maintaing a household for her and her 2 sons. In the short time that they were together (on and off for less than 2 years) he became very close to her children - their real father was not in the picture and the boys called him dad and gave him cards and presents referring to him as dad. He was much closer to her children than he was to his own. I think it was because they "needed" him more, in his opinion, because they were financially dependent on him and also they had no other male role model. When he was with his ex he did not go out with his friends or go to bars. As a matter of fact one of his good drinking buddies told me he didn't even know my ex was back in town until he was living here for close to a year (he had lived in another state for a number of years). From what my ex tells me he was not "allowed" to go out. He was not "allowed" to do much of anything because she wouldn't "let" him. He told me that during the time him and his ex were together she broke up with him several times and would kick him out, she would move on to another man and when that didn't work out she would go back to my ex. So I get the sense that he never really had any security in their relationship and he would do almost anything to keep her happy and keep her form leaving. Plus they got together after he and his 2nd wife divorced and he was living in another state with very few friends and no family so I think he sort of latched on to her and her family. I've met her because my ex and I worked together for a while, while they were together and I am close with his family and I know that she really didn't treat him very well. So for a long time I have just been convinced that she must have been the "love of his life" and he will never get over her. I actually still believe that he will never get over her but not necessarily because she is the love of his life but because he is co-dependent and she "needs" him. Does that sound totally crazy????
When my exAB and I got together I think he thought that I would "need" him because I was going through a divorce myself. I have never been the type of person to rely on someone else to take care of me. I have a good job, I am financially secure, I have very supportive family and friends so I didn't really "need" him. A long time ago he and I had a discussion on his relationship with her and he admitted that part of the attraction was that she needed him. I asked him if he would rather be with someone because they "need" him or because they want to be with him. Of course he said the latter - but then again who wouldn't say that. I know I am not responsible for his drinking but I wonder if that fact that I could take care of myself allowed him the "freedom" to be irresponsible and drink and use drugs, etc.
Can anybody give me an opinion on this??? I don't know why it bothers me. We are done and I can never go back to that life again nor do I have any desire to go back there. Someday, way down the road, maybe we will be friends again. I know my ex's mother is trying to get my ex and his other ex back together. I don't know that this would be a healthy relationship for either. Maybe if she does come back he would stop drinking and clean up his act - which would be good for him - but he was miserable when they were together before because the relationship was all about her so that part would not be good. I guess it's really none of my business anyway and I guess I am just curious to see what someone else thinks. I love to hear other opinions. Thanks.