addict gf, who uses alcohol
Hi all,
thanks again, yes i got a new therapist about a week and a half ago. I think that's what's giving me renewed confidence.
Sorry i started threads on both boards, but i'll try to respond here and not dupe there.
The last communique i did yesterday was, she was suggesting we do a conference call with her therapist, (after she blew me off for 43 days, nov 20 to jan 2, or shall i say hung up every time i asked her about her sidetrip in california).....SO YESTERDAY, (and this where the alanon crap of be kind and courteous screws me up, the girl doesnt GET "kind and courteous", she gets harsh, language),,,,so i wrote, " you had 43 days to talk, you didnt, you're not in recovery, you didnt apologize for lying, no remorse or anything so ____ you....talking with your therapist would be great if you were in recovery but you're not, after you complete 90/90 and have a same sex sponsor"
Point there is, the con job of her trip to california, to see her son for tgivin, then a sidetrip to the old bf in california was "BUT he's MARRIED, BUT HES CLEAN AND SOBER, BUT HES A DRUG COUNSELOR (who got kicked out of school for molesting a patient,,,but he didnt really do it) BUT HIS WIFE WILL BE THERE, BUT THERES OLD FRIENDS A BUNCH OF GUYS".........
Being told to ____myself tgivin eve, didnt help, either. "deal with it" was what she said the sidetrip was gonna happen no matter what on the day after tgiving....
I see no remorse, no nothing coming from her Nov 20, before she started the trip, and in calm conversations up until TGIVING eve, when i started gently asking for clarification about the side trip, she's say "i gotta go, im not letting you do this to me". DITTO she did the same M.O. about florida, and everything in between. Jan 2 I tried to talk once more calmly about it, AGAIN she hung up.
Horrible person, 55 yrs old. She's not getting any better, she has NO REMORSE.
Oh, BTW she successfully trashed 2 marriages AT MY HOUSE, wild, 30 yrs ago with my friend and last feb when she was visiting me, her husband starting texting us.
Anyway,. thanks alll for listening. I think duration of the relation makes the sticking with no contact harder........THING is, telling her to ______ herself, i think actually "turns her on", in a sick way, if that makes sense? Texting her off _______ity ______ yourself, you ______ i think just makes her come back for more.
Being nice don't work, being kind and courteous per alanon didnt work, being nasty dont work, asking her to block me didnt work, thats why i keep saying shes a predator.
IF im an adult child, then she's a predator. I DONT HAVE THE SKILLS or boundaries needed to fend off a 40 yr addict who has ZERO 12 step recovery and NEVER got honest with herself!!!
40 yrs of addiction, rehabs, meth clinics, on and off detox, all the stuff a 40 yr addict does, she CAME TO MY HOUSE, found the one straight guy from our local gang (me), and sold me noah's ark!!! "i want a new relationship, the guy i have a kid with is over for 5 yrs, etc.....all this horse____. SHE talks a great game STRAIGHT all day long is very convincing and NICE, but the content is wacked, and the actions ARE INSANE. When she drinks 1 glass of wine, which is never 1 she becomes combatant or hypersexual. Eventually it became only combatant and never hypersexual.
I heard the other day in recovery we trust actions>>>not words. I like that. Her actions are HORRIBLE!
its spooky and weird to belive i gotta do no contact on her, but I'll try my best one day at a time.
Thanks