Appreciate any support of validation as to how or why "no contact" might help me recover faster. I feel like every conversation with her now, leads to more of her nonsense, denial, justifications, spin, manipulations. I feel like she plays me like a long distance video game.
You clearly answered your own question.
I agree, this isn't about her any more, this is all about you and you NOT really being ready to give her and all the chaos up. Kind of like she is not ready to change her way in life which is using people at her whim at the moment she choices.
Simply look at the FACTS of her history. History doesn't repeat itself, people repeat history.
In all my years in al-anon I have never heard anyone suggest sticking with an abusive relationship and be kind at that.
Sounds like you that have all mixed up. At this point NO CONTACT would be the kindest act you could take for both of you. The inability to do that would be selfish on your part.