Originally Posted by CaliButterfly

Oh yes, it is much harder. They aren't wrong in their eyes, about anything. It's everyone else around them and they refuse to accept responsibility or accountability for their behavior. Mine would act the next day like nothing happened, and not because he didn't remember. I was verbally abused and never got an apology or an acknowledgement that it was wrong. No remorse, nothing. I often got "I don't know what to tell you" also. It was because he didn't have an excuse, explanation, and didn't care enough to want to change his behavior. And never, ever, ever was admitting he was wrong an option to him. After 4 years of his crap, me going back and believing he just needed support and understanding, I finally divorced him. And then I made the worst mistake of my life. I thought he had changed, and reconciled w him for another 4 years of hell. Remarried him, even! But while he wasn't as bad as originally, people are who they are at their core. They won't change for someone else. Period. It doesn't matter what kind of alcoholic he is, and it doesn't matter that he smokes pot too. That only exacerbates his poor relationship skills. Bottom line, if he isn't a loving, compassionate person to begin with, then if he decided by some miracle to live clean & sober, he still wouldn't be the man you probably want in your life. Try to remember, you can't hang on to hope that someone will change because you want them to, and you can't love "potential".