Hi, Abelle--I just read my way thru this thread and you've gotten a lot of wisdom and experience sent your way already. I only have a few things to add that you might find useful:
1) When I was about 8, my mother divorced my father and married a man (not an A) who was abusive mentally and emotionally to all of us. My mother is an ACOA who never sought any help for herself and I suspect that's why she chose this man and allowed him to abuse her and us for all those years. I'm 53 and only in the past several years have I really begun to realize the extent of the damage that was done, to me as well as to my siblings. As others have pointed out repeatedly, your BF is abusive. Please don't subject
your kids to this.
2) Take a look at this thread and substitute the word "behaviors" for "bottles":
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...n-bottles.html The thread speaks to the need to amass incontrovertible evidence, to prove oneself absolutely and without a smidge of doubt to be doing the right thing. I seem to see that in your thread and wonder if the ideas in this other thread might ring true to you.
3) I saw this as someone's signature line a while ago and thought I should probably have this tattooed on my forehead (backwards, so I can read it in the mirror!). This might apply to your situation also. Here it is:
You may not have a problem at all, only a solution that you don't like.
Wishing you strength and clarity, Abelle.