Very interesting thread! I've got alot in common with many who have posted previously; RAD, 17yrs old now. Her father (my husband) died suddenly when she had barely turned 12, at age 13 went off the rails for almost 4yrs. She experimented with everything out there. The way I explain it is she "did everything except die". I'm also an R.N.
Daughter actually graduated from a wonderful tx program lasting approx 6 mon, since then has her own apartment, I know this is her best chance for success(she's accountable to others in order to keep her place i.e has to stay out of trouble, go to school).
Anyway, back to original topic here, I was very bitter and angry for awhile at everyone in my life who seemed to disappear; first when many left after my husband died, secondly when my daughter started getting into trouble & I told some family members/friends when I needed support. They wanted nothing to do with me or my family, this was too much for them to deal with. I certainly felt ashamed & judged like it was my fault for this to happen, I felt like a failure as a parent. Fortunately I kept searching for any help I could find, tried some parent support groups in my city for troubled youth which greatly helped me at the time knowing I wasn't alone. There were many other "good" parents that this had happened to. The best help I have found is through Alanon & this website. I find I can be honest about my situation, never feel judged by anyone & realize by starting to work the program I need to keep the focus on myself to become the best "me" I can be. I'm very selective now about who I open up to regarding my RAD outside of AN & SR. I think I'm going to be stuck at Step 1 for a very long time: admitting I'm powerless over this, always coming back to the three C's - I didn't cause this, I can't control it, I can't cure it. Also turning this over to my higher power and trusting that my daughter's higher power is looking after her.