Hi, pals.
Fist day off eating-in-front TV today. I've never realized what a strong habit it is - almost automatic. I almost forcefully stop myself repeating that I am not doing this any more.
GT - Thank you for your insight. I also noticed that every next BP is getting easier - I was surprised how easy it was for me to stop eating in front of my laptop. What I meant by "harder" is that I am getting to more deep-rooted habits that are quite hard to die. They are powerful enough to blow a bomb of fear in my mind when I am ready to make my Bip Plan. They are shouting outloud "What on the Earth, are you going to do when you kick out this habit? You've been doing this for so long, you have nothing to substitute it with. You are depriving yourself of the only comfort which is available to your right now. Etc., etc.". At least it was quite hard to make a first step here with this TV thing. It requires from me to be ultimately focused on now, because when AV gets so much as nanosecond of my "idle mind" it grasps it immediately and threatens with "what ifs...". - "What - do you mean no your fav cheese and grapes, and hot bread when you are watching boxing? Come on , you will feel miserable....".
It's not even so hard to stay away from food when watching boxing. It's hard to fight thoughts that I would enjoy it more with some fav food to go with it.
As for beating my Feast Beast - I also thought that once I banned sugar out of my nutrition, it would be so much easier. Well, it's surely easier, but turns out, again there are more layers to be stripped off till I get to the core of the issue.
As I've already mentioned, I can't ban all the food, and even if nothing left, I can easily binge on chicken breasts. This problems runs so deep for me, taking origin in childhood and developing through my whole life, that in some weird manner it is interconnected with almost all the areas of my life.
It migrates, and runs, and hides. And I am eliminating its shelters one by one.
But sill don't quite understand why AVRT doesnt' work for binge eating while it proved efficient for sugars, salty snacks, no eating in front of laptop.
Ok, no back to my new challenge.
I am planning to stick to very strict nutrition next three months. Almost like a pro athlete.
Just before the New Year eve I was talking to one of the trainers in my gym. We are pals with this girl and she once told me that when she saw me first she was impressed by my workout and thought I am a new trainer) Anyway, she told me that she is going for competing at Fitness Bikini this spring. I answered "Cool. Go girl". She looked at me and said "Why don't you go with me. It will be fun".
My first reaction was "You are kidding here. You are what, about 24-25. And I am 36, and by the time of competing will probably hit my 37, for crying outloud". Then I thought "Why not? It would be badass enough. Maybe, it would be that kind of wild challenge I lack in my life".
I met the trainer a couple of days ago in the gym, right after my big binge. She told me "I've already started my pre-competing nutrition routine. You?". I thought "My, she is serious about that".
Honestly, I don't know, will I have the guts to apply for competing, or if I even be allowed there, but I think I should just try.
So, it's my first challenge for the next three months - to survive on a pro nutrition and workout schedule. Along with dealing with other issues - you know, life doesn't care much about me competing. But it's ok, it's life.
Please, send some good vibes my way - honestly, I am quite scared.
See you all)