I started again for a couple of reasons. First, I didn't believe nor do I still believe that I am "chemically" addicted to alcohol. I drank in the past to medicate my pain and OCD. I felt that I had changed and grown up over the 12 years and thought I could socially drink.
Secondly, I became a bomb ready to explode and knew from my past drinking that alcohol would allow me to get out of "my head". Even the littlest things were adding to my anger and frustration. After a couple of buzzes, the anger went away.
As stated earlier, unfortunately alcohol has been the only way for me to escape from my own thoughts. I have lead a productive life and have nothing major or life changing to escape from. My thoughts are my worst enemy.