Paralysedforce, it's super helpful to hear of people my age who relate to my situation and know others are dealing with similar issues at a similar stage in life.
I actually had a GOOD night out tonight, but it was a friend's housewarming with a slightly older/calmer crowd. It couldn't have been more different from last night - a couple people did ask why I was drinking water but it wasn't in a pressuring or accusatory kind of way at all, and no one made me feel uncomfortable. And since I liked the people I was around, I was laughing and joking and being silly and didn't feel all that different than anyone who was drinking. It just stood in such stark contrast to my Friday night where as soon as the night started I felt this ENORMOUS divide between myself and the rest of the group who were drinking (and talking nonstop about drinking and getting drunk). So I think what happened Friday had a lot more to do with who I was with... it's very obvious I can have a great time without it and that sometimes I just use it if I'm not enjoying myself for some other reason or I feel uncomfortable. So lesson for the weekend for me is I don't necessarily have to avoid ALL socializing involving alcohol, but I may need to reevaluate the relationships I have with some heavy drinkers and try to see those friends more for daytime or non-drinking activities.
I am SO lucky that my roommate is trying to not drink for a year right now, so I have a great support right here at home - she also had some good tips. She was telling me today she just always tries to lighten the situation with humor or poking a little fun at herself when she refuses alcohol so as to not put others on the defensive, and tries to remember that people questioning her or telling her what she's doing is "crazy" or "too hard" are coming from a neutral place of just not understanding, and not from an attacking place. Anyway, my sleep actually is totally thrown off from having drank Friday night so now I'm just up in the middle of the night rambling...