Originally Posted by
digdug 
As others have said, as long as you are working a program that keeps you sober and on solid spiritual ground, more power to you.
What does make me a bit disheartened is your whole sponsor relationship. Honestly, from my point of view, it's messed up. And I can definitely see how it may have shaped your views in the negative. 8 months and hasn't completed the steps? Has to run to his own sponsor just so both of them can come at you? I have over 9 months sober, and I am nowhere near ready to walk anyone through the steps. It would be irresponsible for me to do so, even though I work my steps hard, attend 4-6 meetings a week, and actively participate in my home group commitments, from chairing and making coffee to speaking at rehabs and hospitals.
I second Joe's idea to at least try to finish the steps. But I would add that starting over with a new sponsor could greatly benefit you. Someone with time and knowledge. Someone who has taken many people through the steps before. I know you're worried about hurting your current sponsor's sobriety, but that is not your responsibility. Just like it is not the sponsor's responsibility to KEEP the sponsee sober.
You flirted with the idea of getting a new sponsor. Why prevented you from following through?
As an aside, I went to a sober NYE AA party too. We had a blast. Over 40 sober people crammed into a one bedroom apartment, with music blasting, tons of food and (non-alcoholic) drinks, a sober toast at midnight, and just amazing fellowship. No cults here. Just sober people living and enjoying normal, healthy things. No one talked about recovery. That's for the rooms.
I remember back when I was in rehab and how they emphasized to stick with the winners. At the time, I thought it meant just sticking with people who had a lot of time. But as I come up on a year sober, I've realized there are tons of crazy, cultish people with time. The real winners are those that LIVE the steps in their daily life. Those that have created a balance between AA and a normal life. My sponsor is one of those people. He doesn't read the big book to me or know page numbers of quotations. But he lives a normal and happy life by living the 12 steps.
You know what he always asks me when I'm faced with any kind of decision, reservation or grandiose idea? "What's your REAL motivation?"
As always, all the best to you, whatever you decide.
Thanks Dig Dug - I agree much is about the experience and finding someone who has what you want - this is key. Its a tremendous motivator and makes all the difference.
As for me, who knows why, perhaps its a test how things worked out and all... I don't feel close to a drink or risking my sobriety at all and I have a pretty good safety net in place (SR/therapy), so I am trying to change things up bc at the core I feel my program has worked but not what I need for the next phase of growth. So I feel like this is the right time to change a couple variables. If I find I am drifting too far out to sea, I can come back to AA.
The problem with meetings is they can be cliquey and this is creating an issue for me bc I like my Wed night meeting - its the best around that I have found. But I will not be welcomed bc I am questioning and changing my sponsor. I am sure this happens quite often and I am not sure how you deal with this in such a loosely organized program run by many sick people (some recovered of course).
Anyhow, I am becoming quite self aware pay my therapist to question my motives and ego - who knows I may find AVRT is a much better fit - then again, I may find it does not work for me - either way I hope my chronicles help someone else starting out.