Thanks for your response... I am realizing things will need to change a lot more than I've been admitting to myself. This sounds awful and ridiculous, but a small part of me almost wishes my drinking were worse right now so I'd feel more compelled to make major changes. That being said I've had PLENTY of times over the past year where I've felt a strong resolve to stop and known in my heart it would be what's best for me in every way. My brain just keeps getting in the way of that by rationalizing that I'm really in decent shape overall so why do something that makes my life more difficult in the short term?
I think that I am willing to commit to some big changes but I need help and support and am unsure where to seek it at this point.