Can stop drinking but don't know how to be sober
I am trying for the I don't know what time to quit drinking. I haven't had a night where I blacked out in a LONG time, but now even a moderate amount of alcohol makes me feel like absolute crap the entire next day, makes me depressed for several days and basically I am starting to hate myself every time I drink. I am not physically addicted to alcohol right now - I don't crave it and if I don't go out, I am not tempted to drink. However, I am embarrassed at how easily I succumb to peer pressure to drink. I went out with a group last night and was very firm in my resolve not to drink for the first few hours but eventually caved.
I am a young person in a VERY drinking-centric city, and last night for example I'd say 90% of the conversation revolved around alcohol and getting drunk. Granted, I have friends who are less focused on it but I STILL feel like the vast majority of activities for people my age are centered around drinking. I feel very alone because I know that I want to quit drinking, but I also don't identify as an alcoholic and the times I tried going to AA meetings I felt extremely out of place there as well. I just feel in a very weird place where I am starting to not even like alcohol all that much, but I keep drinking it anyway because my social structure has revolved around it for so long that I feel like it's that or completely isolate myself. I HAVE had nights before where I stayed sober, went out with friends who were drinking some and still had a good night, but I still felt so uncomfortable and out of place. That feeling has never gone away during periods of sobriety, and I think it is the number one reason I keep going back to drinking. I literally hate myself this morning.
What's more is the fact that I AM on many of these occasions drinking a reasonable amount and am one of the less drunk people there, coupled with the fact that I keep saying I'm not going to drink then drinking anyway, means no one in my real life takes me seriously that this is an actual point of stress for me. I hate it. I don't know what to do.