noexcuse wrote:
I don't know me
Wait until the miracle???? How long does that take? I know, I know, it takes however long it takes, however long you put into it, however MUCH you put into it, but I'm freaking miserable. Not just poor me, why me, this sucks kind of miserable, but that exhausted, this-will-never-end misery. Day in, day out, same old, same old. And not the nothing changes same old - I'm going to different meetings, hearing different things, learning different techniques, making my 'toolbox' (let me tell you, an ACTUAL hammer and saw would make a lot more sense to me right now) but it all feels so redundant and monotonous and horrifically permanent.
I the only one that feels like this?? I go through periods of sobriety, periods without sobriety, and I'm starting to feel like who gives a f*** about sobriety??? I'm just done, PERIOD. Trodding through life, living paycheck to paycheck, struggling to stay on top of the laundry and cleaning and make decent meals and get everyone off to where they need to be and having to be in treatment for 11.5 hours a week plus AA meetings plus a full-time job... There's not enough of me to go around and I feel like I am seriously on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I'm. Not. Functioning. I'm going through the motions, but nothing is getting through because there is just. too. much. Am I alone here?
I don't know what I'm looking for. Not advice, I suppose. I've gotten a lot of that and having someone tell me that it sounds like I need a meeting or I need to take a bath is not helping. I don't know what I need right now. Just someone else who understands. Because frankly, I feel like driving off a cliff right now.