Having lived in a chaotic alcoholic household as a child, and again during my 20 year marriage to my now XAH, I realized something profound when I left my AH and lived on my own.
It was the ABSENCE of strife, of yelling, of dysfunction, of demands, of emotional turmoil, the ABSENCE OF CHAOS.
It had become so much the usual background noise of my life, that I wasn't really aware of it until I left it and there was just silence. And peace.
So Angel, please realize that if you disconnect from contact with these people, you will disable the "CHAOS MACHINE" that is whipping you all back and forth into insanity.
It's funny, now that I look back to my hugely dysfunctional Family Of Origin (FOO). One of their favorite phrases was "don't poke sticks into his cage".
To recognize that you are IN chaos, you need to take a leap of faith and detach from all contact so there is no way the chaos can reach you. AFTER you do that, then you will recognize better where you are currently stuck.
Good luck, keep posting, we are here for you.
ShootingStar1