When I first came here, I saw this question constantly: "what are you getting out of it?"
"It" being the relationship and interaction, no matter how ugly and with whom.
It took way too much high drama anxiety ridden interactions with my RAD, to understand that question and answer. That's when I began to really understand what all codependency entails.
I think some people consciously enjoy the craziness but I believe the majority do not.
It all starts out the same, though, deep inside our brains. The very sound of a voice 2-3 octaves higher and several decibels louder get our adrenaline going. Our primal fight or flight instinct is unconsciously engaged. Experience it often enough and we'll get hooked on the adrenaline rush. That stimulates endorphin production and the cycle goes round and round. It's the hormonal chemical component of battered wife syndrome.
Breaking the cycle is difficult but it can be done. For me, it meant getting physically busy and redirecting/redistributing the adrenaline and endorphins. Whether going for a walk, riding my bike, washing dishes by hand, jumping in the lake or dancing on my deck.... anything that didn't involve human drama.
The worst part of all that, is that others emotionally and physically close to us tend to mirror our behavior. Birds of a feather flock together.
I believe that you want to change, you want to stop the madness. Besides protecting your daughter from these unstable people, please remember that eventually she'll learn what she lives. Make sure it's emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically healthy. She's watching you.