Raider,
I'm going to make a confession to you. My husband stopped drinking about eight years ago, but continued to smoke pot. For a while, I didn't drink around him or in the house. After a while, when I saw him smoking pot, I went, "Well, heck. I don't smoke pot. If he can smoke pot, I can have Chardonnay. " And he seemed agreeable to that. Our mutual enabling agreement.
Of course, the umpteen times he's decided to give up pot since we've been married has brought up, of course, the subject of my drinking wine - and I would just go undercover out of support (I'm laughing at my rationale as I read this, it sounds so dumb!). And then when he would pick it up again, my bottle would come out of the closet and back on the counter. It seemed fair to me (I mean that sarcastically).
So, about 9 days ago I stopped drinking for a variety of reasons - because I knew he had had slipped with the alcohol and for my own health/well-being/ - so now I'm being clean and sober, and while he's not drinking, he is smoking pot. He started smoking again three days after I stopped drinking. I am taking a look at my own part in this, and I'm not proud. I didn't make him pick up the peace pipe again, but I've been quite selfish in terms of getting my drink on over the course of our marriage.
Thank you for sharing your story and being real about this. It has made me uncomfortably aware of some of the things I've done that I need to think about.