The strangest part of my relapse this time, was the thought process.
On the first day, I told myself not to drink, I kept saying to myself don't do it, focus on whats important, distract yourself. Everything that normally works.
Then I told myself, that there people out there far worse than me, there the ones with the problem, not me so much.
What if I am thinking I was an alcoholic to seek attention, what if I was mistaken and was over reacting.
Afterall, I had stopped for 2 months and it is Christmas after all.
I will just have 2 cans of larger and call it a day.
Drank the first can and it felt good, then I almost immediately drank the second can.
The I said to myself, why am punishing myself, everyones drinking and having a good time, dont I have a right to be happy too. So I drank 2 more cans.
Then went to sleep. The next day there was no hangover or sickness.
I decided to drink like a normal person. Went to a party with some friends and one of them asked me, are you sure? I said to him, what are you my mum?
Got really drunk. Then every night, I kept telling myself everyones doing it, its Christmas, its New Year.
Just like that, I fell into my old ways.
The money I had saved not drinking was wasted and sickness came back.
The fact is I am an Alcoholic with a massive drinking problem. FULL STOP.
There is no doubt on that, the next time I doubt it, I shall remember this post.