Tired ...
Hello, new here and not quite sure if I should be here but anyway since my husband says he does not have an alcohol problem and maybe he doesn't. He has a few drinks two or three times a week, down from a few drinks every day so he says he's in control of his drinking. That's the reasonable part of me stating facts. Now to what I really wanted to say.
I hate drinking. I hate seeing a beer can. I will leave all eight of his empty beer cans where they are so he can collect them himself tomorrow. It was a special occasion tonight, the one where he's 'allowed' to get drunk. We're having more and more special occasions lately. I didn't stay up this time. I think I don't care anymore. He's a great guy when he doesn't drink but I can't get past the things he says when he's drunk anymore. I'm still cold from his special occasion a week ago. It was Christmas. Sat there till dawn listening to him shouting at me about everything under the sun. Diffusing the situation temporarily and then I'd say something like 'my cousin called' and off he went again on how often she calls, shouting 'shut up' on the top of his voice every time I tried to say anything. That was Christmas eve. Now he woke me up and managed a rude remark in the 5 seconds before falling asleep.
It's like going to see grandpa when I was ten. Mom would whisper 'Don't pay attention kids, grandma didn't really try to shoot him, he's just screaming about the ungrateful hag and how she conspired to kill him cause he's on his second bottle and it's not noon yet'. So after we're done with dad picking grandpa from the police station I grow up to picking my husband of the roof of our house at 2am? I don't know if I even care anymore. I'm thinking stupid things that wouldn't have crossed my mind a few years back. 'What if I put a sleeping pill in his drink? Would he shut up, sleep and leave me be?', 'Hope he chokes on it'. So he only gets really drunk about once or twice a month. And talking doesn't help cause he says he doesn't have a problem. But I'm tired. He's usually extra sweet the next day. It used to work. How I just find it pathetic. Apart from the drinking he's a good person. But I find I care less and less about him. Every time he gets drunk I just go one step towards not giving a damn.
Sorry about the long post. No one to talk to really. Not things I want family and friends to know. Thanks.