Originally Posted by
Admiral 
at some point in time I accepted the idea that I could use again, and once that was on the table the deal was done.
It was the same delusions as always, maybe with a slightly different twist, but that's how it's always going to be, as I conquer certain thoughts, they'll only resurface again in a new form.
The deal doesn't have to be done
That was an important thing for me to learn. Even if I have made a decision I can unmake it. Whilst it is true that thoughts of using decline the less you use, they will still rear their ugly head from time to time. You can't conquer your thoughts. But you can make a decision to not just blindingly accept whatever pops into your head. Sometimes I have made the decision to drink and then been laughing at myself for being so silly a moment later. Your thoughts don't have to rule you x