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Old 12-30-2013, 04:42 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
jot
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12
First of all, I have completely respected everything she's communicated to me since she left, including no contact, and have not made any efforts to interfere in the process (when she said she was moving out, I offered to help her move if she wanted it, or to not be here if she preferred that).

Also, I don't think that she necessarily does not want this relationship (we are still "in a relationship" on Facebook, her parents who talk to her almost every day told me she just needed space and not to give up on her, she was communicating casually with my family and best friends until the day she asked for no contact - and just about everything of what she's done is always communicated as "at the advice of [her therapist]").


Yes the whole thing with her purse/phone was out of line, and I admit it, and no that hadn't happened before. It all started completely innocent the night before, and just became what it was.

My reactions are what they were. Her refusal to not be open about some things, IMO, were also out-of-line, at least for the type of relationship I want, and I should have communicated earlier on that I cannot be in a serious/committed relationship (well especially with a live-in girlfriend), that doesn't embrace a certain level of sharing/openness. But we moved in together way too soon. At the time, when we got an apartment together, it was the only way we could be together, and I just wanted to see where we'd get - so we didn't have time to develop some of the openness I was looking for.

What I had communicated to both her and her therapist the night she left was that while I may have been out of line, I didn't see how the relationship could possibly work without her being a little bit more open with me. The only way in which I felt I could build my trust back in her (after some of it was damaged over the summer) was if she committed a bit more to sharing and including me more in the parts of her life she was developing (new AA friends, etc).

I believe that she has given her own decision-making power over to her therapist and AA support group. So I believe that everything that has happened since she left is a result of that... The bummer about all of this, is that I'm put into a little codependent caricature box by these voices, and over the past several weeks my GF had begun saying things like, "[My therapist] says I shouldn't talk to you about XXX because then you'll just obsess over YYY, or try to control me by doing ZZZ".


As of now, I'm planning to go to the session, but I still doubt whether breaking no contact after two weeks is in my best interest if I do in fact need to just move on... I don't know, guess we'll see.
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