DesertEyes

What it did for me is it removed all the doubts I had about my perceptions and feelings. I lived with deep guilt over not being a "good son", I doubted my own feelings about my family of origin, my insecurities, my "baggage". All of which carried over into life outside my family and made my life _miserable_.

When I understood that my family was "dysfunctional" it became clear to me that I was _not_ a defective person. I was an _injured_ person. The reason I had "emotional defects" was not because I was an inferior person, it was simply the symptoms of emotional "injuries". If I had a broken leg I would not condemn myself for being unable to walk, yet I had spent my life condemning myself for all my emotional "disabilities".

The diagnosis of alcohlism was not about my parents disease, it was about _my_ injury. Having that diagnosis made it possible for me to find appropriate treatment, something I had never done before because I did not know what was wrong with me.

The next step for me was to work on healing _me_. Knowing the condition I suffered from gave me direction as to where to get help, but also where _not_ to go for help.

What I learned in recovery is that my family of origin is like a pack of dogs. When they get together they bark. A lot. If I want to be barked at, and bit, I can go hang out with that pack of dogs. If I do _not_ want to be barked at, and bit, I can go elsewhere. People who _like_ my family of origin, who think they are "normal", are just another form of dog.

I have found that the _best_ way to figure out whether a new person I meet is going to be a good friendship in the long term is to introduce them to my family of origin. If they get along, I drop them like a hot potato. If they turn to me with big eyes and say "What is wrong with these people?", then I have found a new friend.

Mike