Hopeworks

Wow... 2013 is almost done. My 3 year anniversary date of joining this forum is January 3, 2011. I had been with my XA on the alcoholic crazy train for 3 years when I found this forum and I was code red codie and in the serious danger zone of meltdown. No one could convince me that "my" relationship wasn't different and that my A wouldn't beat the odds and defeat his alcoholism. My old posts are almost scary to me know I was so blind to the truth... where did all that koolaid come from?

Almost a year later in February of 2012 he spiraled off into insanity and I didn't rescue him... I curbed him instead and focused on me for the first time in my entire life. I was in real recovery for the first time.

Two more years have past and I have visited here everyday or close to it and read your stories, shed tears for many of you who are suffering so much and celebrated your victories both small and large.

You have all given me the courage and hope to change my life... the SR family in its individual collective wisdom and empathy.

Today I realized that I am RECOVERED! I truly believe that there isn't an alcoholic or addict on the entire planet that couldn't mesmerize me with his charm and bs... the childhood of abuse of trauma, the years of behavior that my brain and chemical dumps promoted no longer rule my thoughts and feelings.

I am free. I am happy. I am blessed. I am recovered.

The XA? He is sober and dabbling recovery. I now know the red flags and they are NOT party favors. Enough about him... his recovery is his and this is about ME! LOL!

So... my New Years Resolution is to continue to grow, reflect, change into the person God meant me to be from childhood but alcoholism stole from my innocence. To be the parent to my children that my parents could not be to me. To be a light of hope to others... to encourage those still in bondage and despair that there is a WAY OUT. There is a bright future if you never give up and keep taking those baby steps. To get more involved in Alanon so I can get old an grey and wise and all that! 2 years ago being an oldtimer would have made go "ewwwwww"!

My other resolution is to find JOY everyday! Not focus on the negatives or fixing a drunk or even the world (I had a touch of Messiah complex too according to my therapist) but to actively seek something to make my heart soar at least for a moment.

And to keep visiting here... to keep me grounded. Your stories keep me "recovered" and I don't ever, ever want to go back to the alcoholic crazy train!

Happy New Year my friends ... my the New Year bring you peace, joy and serenity no matter what life brings to you... it is within for you to find.

Please share in this thread what you would like... as OP I give everyone freedom of expression. If you like you can tell us a little about how it was for you or how it is now and how you would like it be in the coming year and even years!

If you like share what helped you get to where you are or where you hope to be when we ring in 2015 (just wow... 2015????)

Of just say Happy New Year or "pass" if you like because on here you are "free"!!!!