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Hi, I'm Hopeworks: A Recovered Codie... My New Years Resolution

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Hi, I'm Hopeworks: A Recovered Codie... My New Years Resolution

Old 12-28-2013, 05:22 AM
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Hi, I'm Hopeworks: A Recovered Codie... My New Years Resolution

Wow... 2013 is almost done. My 3 year anniversary date of joining this forum is January 3, 2011. I had been with my XA on the alcoholic crazy train for 3 years when I found this forum and I was code red codie and in the serious danger zone of meltdown. No one could convince me that "my" relationship wasn't different and that my A wouldn't beat the odds and defeat his alcoholism. My old posts are almost scary to me know I was so blind to the truth... where did all that koolaid come from?

Almost a year later in February of 2012 he spiraled off into insanity and I didn't rescue him... I curbed him instead and focused on me for the first time in my entire life. I was in real recovery for the first time.

Two more years have past and I have visited here everyday or close to it and read your stories, shed tears for many of you who are suffering so much and celebrated your victories both small and large.

You have all given me the courage and hope to change my life... the SR family in its individual collective wisdom and empathy.

Today I realized that I am RECOVERED! I truly believe that there isn't an alcoholic or addict on the entire planet that couldn't mesmerize me with his charm and bs... the childhood of abuse of trauma, the years of behavior that my brain and chemical dumps promoted no longer rule my thoughts and feelings.

I am free. I am happy. I am blessed. I am recovered.

The XA? He is sober and dabbling recovery. I now know the red flags and they are NOT party favors. Enough about him... his recovery is his and this is about ME! LOL!

So... my New Years Resolution is to continue to grow, reflect, change into the person God meant me to be from childhood but alcoholism stole from my innocence. To be the parent to my children that my parents could not be to me. To be a light of hope to others... to encourage those still in bondage and despair that there is a WAY OUT. There is a bright future if you never give up and keep taking those baby steps. To get more involved in Alanon so I can get old an grey and wise and all that! 2 years ago being an oldtimer would have made go "ewwwwww"!

My other resolution is to find JOY everyday! Not focus on the negatives or fixing a drunk or even the world (I had a touch of Messiah complex too according to my therapist) but to actively seek something to make my heart soar at least for a moment.

And to keep visiting here... to keep me grounded. Your stories keep me "recovered" and I don't ever, ever want to go back to the alcoholic crazy train!

Happy New Year my friends ... my the New Year bring you peace, joy and serenity no matter what life brings to you... it is within for you to find.

Please share in this thread what you would like... as OP I give everyone freedom of expression. If you like you can tell us a little about how it was for you or how it is now and how you would like it be in the coming year and even years!

If you like share what helped you get to where you are or where you hope to be when we ring in 2015 (just wow... 2015????)

Of just say Happy New Year or "pass" if you like because on here you are "free"!!!!
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Old 12-28-2013, 06:16 AM
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Originally Posted by Hopeworks View Post
And to keep visiting here... to keep me grounded. Your stories keep me "recovered" and I don't ever, ever want to go back to the alcoholic crazy train!
^^^This. Me too.

Thanks for your uplifting share. I can hear the happiness and peace in your words. Happy New Year to you.
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Old 12-28-2013, 08:24 AM
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What a great post!!! I'm not recovered, because I still live not with A's, but with codies. I have detached so much, at times, I want to pinch myself and say "um, is this really you?!?!"

Other times, I slip back into codie land but my time there is very short. I still live on SR and credit everyone here with my successes in both my addiction recovery and my codie one.

Happy New Year!!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 12-28-2013, 05:23 PM
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hey HopeWorks!

Our stories are similar in that once I quit being controlling, managing and manipulating of my XRAH he found himself and recovery...and I found myself and recovery too. I do not think either of us would have found recovery together...and likely we'll just be friends but that's they way it's meant to be...and I know because it feels right...and for the first time every I am finding my true self. Letting go set us both free and I'm forever grateful.
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Old 12-28-2013, 05:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Hopeworks View Post
So... my New Years Resolution is to continue to grow, reflect, change into the person God meant me to be from childhood but alcoholism stole from my innocence. To be the parent to my children that my parents could not be to me. To be a light of hope to others... to encourage those still in bondage and despair that there is a WAY OUT. There is a bright future if you never give up and keep taking those baby steps. To get more involved in Alanon so I can get old an grey and wise and all that! 2 years ago being an oldtimer would have made go "ewwwwww"!

My other resolution is to find JOY everyday! Not focus on the negatives or fixing a drunk or even the world (I had a touch of Messiah complex too according to my therapist) but to actively seek something to make my heart soar at least for a moment.

And to keep visiting here... to keep me grounded. Your stories keep me "recovered" and I don't ever, ever want to go back to the alcoholic crazy train!
This post is the best! It brought some tears to my eyes, in a good way!

Where would I like to be a year from now? Off the top of my head, I'd love to be at a point where I can think about my AXH without feeling a pit of fear and despair in my stomach. Instead I'd like to be able to look back on the relationship as something that had to implode in order for me to become a stronger, more sane person, all on my own. I'd like to be 100% self-sufficient, or at least much closer than I am right now. I'd like to look back at 2014 as the year I really began to give myself everything I need. And I'd like to be able to do 30 pushups at a time by the end of 2014 - and not the easy knees-on-the-floor kind, but real deal pushups!
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Old 12-28-2013, 06:35 PM
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Wonderful resolution Hopeworks!

I am really getting in touch from this list with the things that led me to my alcoholism, my codependence, the harm I have caused with my drinking
to myself and others, and how to heal from all of it.

I think my biggest resolution for next year is to let go of all the crap I've been carrying due to booze and upbringing and to live the best life I can.


May your 2014 bring all of you the happiness and peace you so richly deserve
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Old 12-28-2013, 09:16 PM
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I always enjoy your posts, Hopeworks.

For me, less homesickness for the past is what I wish for in the new year. No more grieving for the former life that has passed away. That is what I hope for.

Clear away the old garden so a new one can grow.
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Old 12-28-2013, 09:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Hopeworks View Post

Today I realized that I am RECOVERED! I truly believe that there isn't an alcoholic or addict on the entire planet that couldn't mesmerize me with his charm and bs... the childhood of abuse of trauma, the years of behavior that my brain and chemical dumps promoted no longer rule my thoughts and feelings.
Hopes... What would Freud say about you accidentally typing couldn't instead of could? Lol.

You must be ok though because you didn't apologize or justify or any of that stuff ;-)

Have a wonderful year and yes, hope works.
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