This is a hard one. I've been a buddhist for over 25 years and half of them I drank. So it's safe to assume I'm no expert.
All I know is it all fell together for me this last go around quitting drinking. My mind is quiet. If it's doing what it does...thinking..I don't notice very much. Like breathing or my heart beating. I can notice it if I pay attention but most times I don't. And just like my heart beat and my breath, I can't control my thoughts. They come and go as they please. It's me but it's not me. I know that sounds weird and doesn't make much sense. It's just how I feel.
I think it's when I completely just let go. Letting go of any concept of me having control over pretty much anything. I get a choice here and there but that's about it. Most of life is out of my control. Including how my body operates. I'm just fine with that. My thoughts can do what they want. I don't care anymore. Not in a bad way. Just in it doesn't change me way.
Most of the time now my thoughts just make me laugh. If some thought pops up about having a drink I just step back and don't volly with it. That's what it felt like before. It throwing a ball at me and me catching and throwing back. I don't play anymore. I just watch the ball flop on the floor and roll out of view. It always does eventually and the more I don't catch the less it tries to throw.
I don't live in my head anymore. I just am.