Actively drinking alcoholics tend to die horrible, painful deaths. Remember, your liver filters the blood (among other numerous vital functions) that supplies nutrients to the rest of your body. As a result, death via alcoholic liver failure is exceptionally painful... and often occurs sooner rather than later.
Please think of your health and forego immediate gratification for future health and happiness. If you've had stints of several months of sobriety in the past (as you said), then go longer this time. There is no happiness in actively drinking as an alcoholic. Only hell. We have a chance at happiness with sobriety.