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Thinking About Throwing in the Towel

Old 12-26-2013, 02:44 PM
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Thinking About Throwing in the Towel

I'm thinking I'm one of the "unfortunate". I think that's how AA puts it. I suck. I fail every time. I was 3 days sober today. I woke up, had some breakfast, and hit the gym. I had an awesome workout which surprised me being only 3 days sober. I walk out of the gym and head to the grocery store for some eggs. I buy them, walk out and what's next to me? The liquor store. I stand in place for probably 3 seconds but felt like an eternity. I went in, asked for 3 pints of vodka and start pacing. I almost told the cashier "nevermind" but of course I didn't. Now it's three hours later and 2 pints deep. I failed again. Why do I bother? Should I say "eff it"? I really so no end in sight. I was happy. I worked out. My favorite hobby in the world. I felt good. Accomplished. Purposeful. And that lasted 30 seconds. I should just give up...
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:46 PM
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Don't give up. It's only a slip. I had many in the early days. It happens a lot xx
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:50 PM
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Nope you shouldn't give up!! . . . nobody should be giving up!!

Yes it's tough, it's a nightmare at times, and yes we slip, we can have periods of sobriety ended abruptly by a drink of alcohol, we've all been there and know that feeling of hopelessness.

But it's not hopeless . . . tomorrow is a new day, and it can be a sober day, tomorrow is the future and it's got nothing to do with happened today!!!
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:50 PM
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Don't give up. I've been very similar all year. I love working out... i'd feel just like you.. then for some reason end up drunk on vodka again.
Each time I relapsed tho I got more and more determined.
The more you work at it, the more it is achievable!
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:51 PM
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But I've been there. I've had "that". I've had 8 months and 6 months sober. But now I don't know how to get through a week. And for NOOOOO reason. NONE. At all. I felt good. I felt alive. I felt hopeful. And all it took was 3 seconds.
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Twinings View Post
Don't give up. I've been very similar all year. I love working out... i'd feel just like you.. then for some reason end up drunk on vodka again.
Each time I relapsed tho I got more and more determined.
The more you work at it, the more it is achievable!
That upsets me a ton. I had a great workout giving the situation. Now drinking has erased all of that. Worthless.
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:54 PM
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I think you may want to know what AA means by unfortunates:
"Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a way of life which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average"

used here, what it refers to is people whose IQ is so low, they cant even understand what honesty means. those unfortunates don't have the mental capacity to know how to use a computer.

"Should I say "eff it"?
nope. yer worth sobriety.
what I think ya should do is become willing to go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.then get into action. since ya mention AA, id suggest ya get to a meeting.
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:54 PM
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Just start over. it is so easy to fall back in seconds but it is also possible to pick yourself up and carry on. It's hard but you can do it xxx
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:54 PM
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You where doing really great at 3 days.
You said you felt happy after your workout. If like me the little voice was saying that you deserve a treat. You have to learn to separate yourself from that voice, your AV.

Since you like workouts, why don't you try to apply the No Pain no Gain to sobriety? Why not make it a few months to see the other side?
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:55 PM
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HI JWC

Personally, I don't believe anyone is beyond hope
I tried, with varying levels of commitment, for 15 years to quit.

You had 3 days - thats a great achievement for anyone here.

What drinking again shows you is not that you're a failure, but that maybe you've underestimated the task at hand a little?

Look at what you've been doing for your recovery.

Is it enough?
Can you think of anything else you can add?

D
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:56 PM
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heres something the big book of alcoholics anonymous says:
The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:58 PM
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I hope you'll be kind and patient with yourself JWC - and give it another shot. We have to be ready, and maybe you weren't quite ready. You were feeling overly confident maybe - and as Patman said - figured you'd give yourself a little reward.

The temptations are very strong and we're so used to giving in to the old urges - but they can be overcome. You have many reasons for wanting to stay sober - please don't stop trying. We know you can do this.
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:59 PM
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I can relate. I had no certain singular triggers to drink. If it was rainy, I drank. If it was sunny I drank. I had no clue why.
Now I understand it's because I'm an alcoholic.
It took me a long time to become an alcoholic and it took me a long time to unlearn how to not drink. And many, many failed efforts. Heck, I joined here like six years ago, (under a different name) I and I just got three years sober.

I was convinced that I was one of the unfortunates, too. Then I became honest with myself. I went to AA meetings and learned there were other people just like me. It was a revalation. I thought I was alone and doomed to drink myself to death. That proved not to be the case.

Never give up. I remember how I drank, the viscious hangovers and the wasted time. That's what keeps me sober now.
Hang in there. There is always hope.
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Old 12-26-2013, 03:03 PM
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Actively drinking alcoholics tend to die horrible, painful deaths. Remember, your liver filters the blood (among other numerous vital functions) that supplies nutrients to the rest of your body. As a result, death via alcoholic liver failure is exceptionally painful... and often occurs sooner rather than later.

Please think of your health and forego immediate gratification for future health and happiness. If you've had stints of several months of sobriety in the past (as you said), then go longer this time. There is no happiness in actively drinking as an alcoholic. Only hell. We have a chance at happiness with sobriety.
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Old 12-26-2013, 03:11 PM
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Don't give up.
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Old 12-26-2013, 03:13 PM
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If I had been in ur shoes at that very
point from the grocery store to standing
by the liquor store, I would have had
someone in recovery on the other end
of the phone, talking to you and guiding
you straight to your car, lock doors, drive
home or to a meeting or meet up with
that person on the phone emmediately.

I couldn't trust myself to be by myself
in early recovery if alcohol was anywhere's
near or around me.

My weakness and will power would
not be strong at that point.

It takes time and willingness to stay sober.

And to put my trust in many who have
paved the way for me to follow in recovery.
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Old 12-26-2013, 03:20 PM
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Originally Posted by JWC View Post
That upsets me a ton. I had a great workout giving the situation. Now drinking has erased all of that. Worthless.
Mate I've had that so many times it's unreal!Im only at the stage of 5 days when you start feeling normal again.I think when you wake up,your realise that it's not worth it,you feel like **** and you start again.

It upsets us all when it happens,but instead of beating yourself up use this as a learning curve and remember when your AV kicks in how you feel after you drink.Actually remember what you feel like when you drink because I'm sure it's not just me that is chasing that feeling of what it used to do.Now when I drink I'm miserable and pretty much the same as I feel when I wake up.

Don't give up,I was close just a week ago and now I'm planning on going to my first AA meeting,you just got to give it that couple of days to feel a bit better.All the best.
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Old 12-26-2013, 03:28 PM
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I also have a 10 month old son 1,000 miles away I've never got to see and drinking is 95% of the reason for that.
Sounds like someone who has the capacity to be honest with himself, not one of the "unfortunates" (re read Tomsteve's post about them, its spot on and definitely not you).
Dust yourself off and join us at the 24 hours club. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4368384 where we commit not to drink or drug for the next 24 hours. Before you know it, those days do pile up
Since you are in AA, don't be part of the half measures club. Give it all you got and follow the suggestions.
I would also suggest you read about AVRT so next time you get the bright idea to go to the liquor store, you can recognize where it is coming from and nip it right in the bud.
You can do it and we are here for you
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Old 12-26-2013, 03:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Thepatman View Post
You where doing really great at 3 days.
You said you felt happy after your workout. If like me the little voice was saying that you deserve a treat. You have to learn to separate yourself from that voice, your AV.
Exactly.

JWC - You can learn from this. Your Addictive Voice (AV) got the better of you today. You didn't want to drink, but your AV did. The AV won, this time. But, you can learn how to win over your AV.

Get this book. It will help you to recognize your AV and defeat it. It helped me a ton.
Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction

Last edited by Dee74; 12-26-2013 at 04:11 PM. Reason: commercial link
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Old 12-26-2013, 03:39 PM
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Here are a few suggestions for you and Django since you are both new to going to AA:
1) Come in a bit early before the meeting, there will be a couple of people there so it is not that intimidating. Say hi to them, ask them if they need help making the coffee or setting up the chairs.
2) Stay for the full meeting: when at the beginning they ask if someone is new etc. say your name and tell them you'd like to get some numbers and you'd like to get a book.
3) Don't dash out after the meeting, take your time to put your coat on slowly etc. Chances are that a couple of people will approach you to chat with you. Don't worry, they don't bite and they might give you their numbers
4) Now you are home with a few numbers, I know the phone might weigh like a ton but use them. If you feel like drinking call someone.

Next suggestions is go to different meetings and find one you really like (meetings can be very different) and decide that it will be your home group. A home group is like your base, the place where you are comfortable, go on a regular basis and get to know the people.

I hope it helps.
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