Thinking About Throwing in the Towel
I'm thinking I'm one of the "unfortunate". I think that's how AA puts it. I suck. I fail every time. I was 3 days sober today. I woke up, had some breakfast, and hit the gym. I had an awesome workout which surprised me being only 3 days sober. I walk out of the gym and head to the grocery store for some eggs. I buy them, walk out and what's next to me? The liquor store. I stand in place for probably 3 seconds but felt like an eternity. I went in, asked for 3 pints of vodka and start pacing. I almost told the cashier "nevermind" but of course I didn't. Now it's three hours later and 2 pints deep. I failed again. Why do I bother? Should I say "eff it"? I really so no end in sight. I was happy. I worked out. My favorite hobby in the world. I felt good. Accomplished. Purposeful. And that lasted 30 seconds. I should just give up...