Merry Christmas Snood.
I have to agree with Hawkeye, my life got so much better when I quit trying to fix her or us and really started to work on me. I had spent years working, fighting, complaining and trying to get her to change. I finally had to admit I couldn't do it. It just kept getting worse and worse. Thanks to this forum and Alanon I did figure out that I could change me and that worked. I am in a much better place now.
Your friend,