Dreading Christmas II

Old 12-23-2013, 09:07 PM
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Dreading Christmas II

Just so as not to hijack Tally's thread, this is my take on the upcoming holiday.

Christmas has long been a tricky event for me. My father was taken by
a series of Myocardial Infarctions (heart attacks) at this time of year. I was called by my mother..."Your Dad's not so well." By the time I got to him, he was beyond resuscitation. I applied CPR long and hard enough to break his breastbone but it was no use. The ambulance men said no power on earth could have saved him.

This was all of 32 years ago but it still casts a shadow over Christmas. It isn't an easy thing to gloss over. That said, I handle it better year by year. Or I would do, but for the new Christmas's shadow.

My FAW went to the gym today. Then, she went to prepare our holiday flat for the next guests. On returning, she pointed out that she'd be going back to the gym on Christmas Day.

Then, she revealed that she hadn't got a Christmas card for me, and wouldn't be going to get one...I'll get one from the cards we have, if she remembers. Oh, and stepdaughter will be arriving Christmas Day afternoon, to stay until the following afternoon.

I have a card for my wife, as well as a second gift. I have one gift that she 'bought' me. I found it on eBay and have paid for it.

Even though stepdaughter has got me a present, I feel demoted. Ex-husband was classed as a drinking partner, which I am not, as I don't use alcohol. But stepdaughter has a card and gift, as does stepson in the 'States.

In some respects, I'll get some peace on Christmas Day, when she's at the gym. But there is a bar there. She's also going swimming, wearing a one-piece swimsuit in front of strangers...we have no real contact and she locks the bathroom door when changing. Then come late afternoon, I'll be putting up with the company of stepdaughter, watching a DVD on the TV in the bedroom. By which time, wifey will probably be loaded.

Not dressed up and nowhere to go. It's so sad.
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Old 12-23-2013, 09:18 PM
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Behold the power of NO
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This is your first Christmas card then. Merry Christmas from Seattle Washington.
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Old 12-23-2013, 10:00 PM
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Snood, with all due respect, your wife may have a slammin' body but the way you paint her, she's an ugly wretched bitch and I would have a hard time looking at her through my dog's eyes.

You deserve more this Christmas Season. I hope you find happiness on Christmas Day and everyday for that matter! Merry Christmas Snood!
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Old 12-24-2013, 06:26 AM
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Hi Snood;
Happy Christmas Eve

I've been reading your posts.
You sound very unhappy and somewhat obsessed with your wife's drinking habits and
unkind and insensitive behaviour.

I think you deserve much better than this, and I hope your New Year's Plans
include working on your codependence and perhaps seperation / divorce if she
doesn't want to seek treatment.

We only hear your side of things, but she really is taking advantage and giving
you the classic "doormat of the alcoholic" treatment. I got this for many years
from my mother, and as long as I kept coming back, I (and it) got and worse each year.

When I finally said no and stepped away, I began to get my self, and self-respect back.

I'm sorry, but forget the money and run. See a lawyer, and if it's your house, have her removed or sell it if you have to. Move into the holiday flat if she's really stubborn.
Do something and seize your life. . . you sound so happy when you are doing your hobbies.

Maybe if unwilling to do any of the above, ignore her and her demands and just do your thing. Static isn't working.
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Old 12-24-2013, 07:02 AM
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Merry Christmas Snood.

I have to agree with Hawkeye, my life got so much better when I quit trying to fix her or us and really started to work on me. I had spent years working, fighting, complaining and trying to get her to change. I finally had to admit I couldn't do it. It just kept getting worse and worse. Thanks to this forum and Alanon I did figure out that I could change me and that worked. I am in a much better place now.

Your friend,
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Old 12-24-2013, 07:04 AM
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Snood, I am so, so sorry about your dad. It must be very difficult to celebrate the holidays with those kinds of memories surrounding them. As Hawkeye said, try to ignore what your wife is doing and do things YOU enjoy. Do you have friends or family you can visit with on Christmas day? If so, why not get out of the house and be around people who are positive and uplifting?

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you much love and healing. xoxoxo
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Old 12-25-2013, 08:17 AM
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Merry Christmas, All,

Thank you again most warmly for your input.

Not too bad so far. My wife, rather than going to gym/swim has gone to clean up her daughter's flat. Meanwhile, (step)daughter is out with her boyfriend's family. She'll have had two dinners by now and will have the third with us tonight. Poor lamb can't clean the flat though.

Over-mothering apart, wifey liked her present (and card, with poem). I received the card from our 'stock'. Thanks, Carlotta!

I thing there'll be some serious New Year resolutions this time. Meanwhile, I go with the flow, rather than against it.

All the best,

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Old 12-25-2013, 09:04 AM
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I'm glad the day is turning out okay. Sometimes our thoughts and expectations really don't make sense when compared with reality, huh?! Happy New Year to you too. xo
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Old 12-26-2013, 09:59 PM
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I removed some posts under rule 4 and some others that referred to those posts.
I now return you to the topic

thanks guys

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