I have horrible memories of it, and I couldn't shake them this weekend through this morning. Thought about how a few years ago I found needles in the car when soon to be AXH and I were going to get a Christmas tree....spending Christmas at the rehab, spending time checking him into the sober recovery house which was a total nightmare. I guess I couldn't really think about all of these awful things until the relationship was over? I'm right there with you though, this is going to be a hard first Christmas alone. Going out with friends who are also divorced/going through divorces should make it less lonely and sad though.