I'm sorry, hopeful
On this:
Originally Posted by
hopeful4 
You know, it is quite one thing to treat me like crap, I guess I am usto that (sadly). But here my family is stepping up to the plate and his too to help him out and drinking is just a slap in the face. He just ultimately is a selfish person who will never ever accept responsibility for his own behavior. And he just loves to pretend like nothing ever happened and I should be happy as can be.
I know you know this, but sometimes it helps me to hear what I already know. His bad behavior is not a reflection on you. You can't control whether he chooses to (ever) accept responsibility for his actions. It's all on him. For your own sanity, you just have to let it go. (Which I think you've been doing really well btw.) That includes how he treats your family.
Also, I wanted to comment on this:
Originally Posted by
hopeful4 That being said, $4k is alot of money we do not have. I am pretty much staying out of this situation. His sister volunteered up $2k and my parents have offered the other $2k which I said please no to because I plan on leaving him after the holidays and do not want to feel indebeted to them or tied to that $. They said they just want this stress to be over for him and for our children too and that this stress is making it all worse for all of us. They support any decision I make about staying or leaving him and say this $2k is not tied to it one way or another. They do plan on making him sign a document saying this is a loan for him and him only not tied to me in any way so when we do separate it cannot be half my debt.
I underlined and bold-faced the relevant parts. My parents (including my A father) are the same. They would do the same for me and my children. They
have done the same - given us money when we needed it even when we wouldn't have needed it had we made different choices. They do it because they love us. Accept it as the gift that it is to you. Because, really, that's what it is - a gift to the daughter they love. The loan is between your AH and your parents and has no bearing on you.
I'm sorry
It does sound like your AH is living in denial on your plans to leave him (or make him leave?) Maybe he'll figure it out when the moving vans show up? Prayers for a peaceful holiday for you & your girls!