I also want to comment on the need for proof or validation
One of the things that we all have in common is the crazymaking that goes on in our lives. It comes in a variety of forms... sometimes we live in total denial to ourselves or to the outside world.
The family line is "Everything is JUST FINE".
OR we are being given all the classic signs that our loved one is drinking or using, but that same loved one is doing his/her very best to convince us that what we see and hear and smell is NOT the truth and is NOT happening and in fact is something else perfectly normal and different... and they are masters of the con and usually pretty charming and at some level we really REALLY want to believe them. After awhile, we get to where we have to decide - do we not trust them or do we NOT trust ourselves???
Slowly, we start to find some recovery. Or we just get tired of the lies and the double speak and keeping secrets from everyone else in our lives. And then we want to have some confirmation that what we see and hear and smell IS REAL. We want someone else to understand our own personal hell and we want some validation that we AREN'T crazy and that we ARE smart and valuable etc etc.
Once I decided to open the door and let the rest of the world see how we lived in our private life... it was an amazing thing. I watched friends and family go thru the same disbelief and self doubts. And I got some validation. It was important for me to have people understand... and to tell me I wasn't crazy.
I found the most support and the most understanding at Al Anon meetings. Not only did they understand, they had stories similar to mine. I wasn't a freak or an outsider. These people truly knew how I had lived, and they offered a new way of life if I would only follow their program.
We understand. And we know your truth. And you know mine. It's how I used to live... but not how I choose to live anymore.
Hugs and love
Barb