I'm upset that he is being my recovery warden. I thought I was done venting, but I'm laying in bed and I'm angry. I deffinately need to let that go. I'm trying to remind myself that I used to do the same things to him. How many meetings did he go to this week? what step was he on? He wasn't talking to old using friends was he? He should go to this rehab etc. I took the kids away from him and when he was clean I reminded him I would do it again. I gave him ultimatums... the whole codependent 9 yards. Well he is now asking me all of these questions. I'm sure if he was here he would be checking my texts, emails and call logs. I've never hidden the password from him simply because I am ok with him looking at my phone because I have nothing to hide. I have to admit, however, that now that the tables have turned I'm quite upset about it. I'm trying to remember that even in his extensive treatment he has not ever addressed his codependency. He has only ever been to a handful of al-anon meetings that I am aware of. They don't have al-anon in jail, so I imagine it isn't going away anytime soon.
I'm frustrated with his codependency more than his addiction. I felt smothered today and it was only for 30 min. I think I am over reacting and he was just wanting to know if I'm working a program. Its not like he can see my actions from in there, so all he has are words. To his credit, he didn't express any resentment towards me for not being locked up, and didn't accuse me of lying, so that's good I guess.
(Sigh) I do feel a little better now. Thanks y'all for reading =]
Lily