Good morning all, its still hot here. Only morning and its around 30C (86F) but I wont complain too much as any sunshine is welcome right now. Its almost impossible to be upset at a sunny sky !
So, I had been having these negative moods early on this week which was triggered by the anniversary of my father's passing away. I usually pay my respects to my father if I am back here. Its a mixture of sadness and regret. Regret that I didnt spend enough time with him (as I lived overseas), didnt say I loved him enough or tell him how very proud I was to be his son. The saving grace was that I realised his dream of going on safari to Africa one year. He loved it. Anyway, then I started projecting about what the future would look like which was also not positive as I wont be able to do as I wish due to my financial constraints. Secondly, Christmas is coming up and my brother will be there. We have an uneasy relationship which sort of waxes and wanes. A few months before I stopped drinking, he sent me some annoying texts which I thought were presumptious. I was very curt in my replies though the anger was more directed at the 3rd person involved. My brother didnt appreciate it and stopped communicating with me. Truthfully, I was drinking when I sent the messages though they were not rude just abrupt. Even dead sober, i would still have sent him back a sharp reply. The home front is still a bit of a battle ground with my human minefield (i.e., my partner) exploding at odd times. But it isnt so bad in the past few days. Still, a minefield is just that.
All of this meant that I was going to and fro between the past and the future. So, I was not exactly a happy chappy. I did consider drinking. But, it was the equivalent of considering whether I needed to remove the plaque from my teeth. I weighed it up and decided that drinking wasnt beneficial and actually found the thought quite repugnant. So, ditched that idea. Gradually it dawned on me that I was not focusing on the present. Once I began to live in the present and keep my mind here and now, the negative thoughts began to dissipate.
So, I am feeling back to normal, largely. Got some vigour back in my step. I've decided to adopt the roll over and play dead strategy (learnt from my dog) when it comes to my brother and Christmas.
That's all for now ! THis thread moves fast.
Oh, but I do have to say Br00ksie...you make me want to be a young man again !
Have a lovely day/evening all! Love and gratitude to everyone !!
