I'm hating life!!!!
So RAD is coming home Thursday. AS is living with a "lady" who has had her home raided and is the "ma" to the drug addicted teens in my area. My AS came over 2 nights ago. My hubby tried "talking " to him. Told him "RAD is coming home, new beginnings blah blah and we want you to be part of it but only if you change what you're doing". AS basically said "I'll get back to you".
RAD and AS are very close. RAD knows she will have to distance herself from him because of what he's doing. In one breath he tells my hubby "I swear I'm not doing drugs (cuz again, pot is not a drug, duh) and the he tells RAD that he's considering rehab. Hubby doesn't believe anything RAD says. Even when I asked her about the person AS is living with she went into detail about this woman. Hubby didn't believe a word until he heard it from other people. In the meantime, 2 days ago, his cousin's cousin died of an OD from a bad batch that's going around (he lived next door to this woman).
So:
A) I'm stressed that RAD is coming home
B) AS is still "hustling" and using
C) hubby in denial
D) my autoimmune disease is out of control. My Meds are messed up, my BP is high, my joints are screaming
If you remember, I was in ER last week.
My autoimmune causes me to have a malar rash on my face along with tachycardia and. Host of other unpleasant things. My hubby seems to think I'm full of sh$t or just forget or whatever....but completely ruined the nice dinner I made tonight. My dad sent us Omaha steaks and I made filet mignon. (Yea... A nice treat right? No...ended up in the trash!!!!)
He looks at me and is like "you're face is soo red, what's wrong with you? You need to take better care of yourself, lose weight exercise etc" (I went to my DR yesterday cuz BP was high , palpitations, med adjustment etc)
Me: um, I had to go off the chemo med for the autoimmune disease remember? The malar rash...it happens all the time. Why is this new to you?
Him: (rolls eyes)
Me: it's called a butterfly rash...remember? I emailed the rheumatologist and told him my symptoms are getting worse.
Him: what? It's supposed to look like a butterfly? Condescending attitude.
My daughter: really? (Death stare) you just basically told her she's fat and you're being really insensitive!
(I'm not fat, but I've had to be on steroids for the past year so I'm "puffy" and really sensitive about it)
Fast forward through the yelling, stomping, dumping of really good steak in the garbage.
I ended up alone, on the porch crying, alone, feeling angry, alone, and miserable and oh yea,,,ALONE!
I just don't know how much more I can take. I'm trying so hard to keep it all together. The condescending, accusatory tone totally did not help! He went to work, thank God! I don't want to be around him right now.
Do you ever feel like you just hate everyone? Oh yea happy freakin holidays!