Felt the same way VC
30 years as a fraud in an office, hating every minute and too afraid and trapped by my alcoholism to do anything about it.
Eventually the facade crumbled and there i was, a very sick man for all to see.
Thank God the career went but so did the booze. And the fear. I am just now feeling well enough to be true to myself, find my proper place in this world and have some peace.
Only happened when i finally quit tho.
Be safe.
G