This is why I don't think it is wise to live together while someone is in recovery, or at least as Mr. Hammer said....you have to learn to detatch so you can live YOUR life while he figures this out for him. He has to work this program. He has to figure out who he is under the addiction. He needs to prove himself over a course of a long amount of time. He needs a sponsor...and that is not you.
This is just my opinion and what I wish I had done for myself. I think if a person can find sobriety and stay sober for a long (and I mean a year plus) amount of time then you can see who you truly are and who they truly are and do you even want to pursue it at that time.
You need to work on you. Alanon or Celebrate Recovery is a great idea for you. The right group will help you with this so much. You will hear this alot. You did not cause it, you cannot control it, you cannot cure it.
Gentle Hugs.