I'm so glad that you had the presence of mind to obtain a restraining order when he became physically violent! You did not deserve to be hurt, no one does!
I have no equivalent experience with a spouse, children, and a restraining order....but I know about that guilt thing. It comes, I think, from that part of us that cares for everyone and does not want to cause anyone else pain. I think we women do this in spades......but especially those of us who have these learned codie traits.
What helps me is I keep reminding myself of the reality of the situation. In your case, certainly he is where he is because of his own actions. He is an alcoholic who has chosen to not recover, he drank, he got violent, he was ugly around your children, he is not living in a hotel. (Actions === > Consequences) And they are all his.
Please never feel guilty about protecting yourself and your children.
