Frustratedhubby-
Part of what was hard on me trying to make these decisions was what was best for the other person and what was best for me often got clouded, confused and mixed up and mingled.
You might have heard in your Al-Anon meeting. I did not cause it, I cannot control it and I cannot cure it. This is so true for any kind of addictive process.
How are you feeling about the idea of divorce for you Frustrated? I had a lot of grief going through mine (though I knew it was the right thing). I was not angry right at first, but I did get angry (and all the other emotions). If your wife does get really upset are you ready to take care of yourself through that all? How?
Whatever decision you make will be the right one, for me the decision was the easy part, sitting with all the emotions that came up from the decision was not so easy. How are you feeling about that part of things?