WOW! Thank you all for the quick responses.
@LifeRecovery - I feel EXACTLY as you described: that I feel like I don't know my wife at all and up from down.
I'm currently totally on board with my therapists advice. This was a mega problem to secretly bring into a marriage and feel that I was manipulated into marrying under false pretenses.
But my main feeling is that the whole situation is just tragic for everyone involved. It's no exaggeration that this is a family disease with aftershocks everywhere.