The work is inside us, not on the alcoholic, not on the relationship.
There are many reasons why someone is "magnetized" to an alcoholic, and it is always our responsibility to face ourselves and ask ourselves why we are drawn to people who cannot love us back, cannot treat us respectfully, and why we need to latch on to someone who is so distant and so volatile.
Some of us need to be a martyr trying to save someone else because for some of us, that is how we maneuver people into never leaving us. (Though they do anyway).
Some of us had alcoholic parents or grandparents and the "vibration" of the alcoholic's personality feels so familiar and "home" to us.
Some of us have a need to present a perfect face to the world because appearance is everything, so even if our partner was not alcoholic when we met him or her, there is no way we will break up the marriage now and allow the world to know the truth: that we are not the brilliant successes we want everyone to think we are.
Some of us enjoy the obsession and the adrenaline rush that a bad relationship brings into our "dull" lives. It becomes our form of drug-taking.
The problem is not the alcoholic. Ultimately we have to take a personal inventory and figure out why living with someone who is drunk, checked out, belligerent, dangerous, and immature to the max is tolerable for us. Something is wrong.....with us. Often it goes back to our early life and something going wrong there. But whatever it is, we have to figure it out, and we have to fix ourselves.
Al-Anon meetings are always a good place to start. If you google Al-Anon and the state where you live, you will find some close by. It could help you a lot.