I have faith in you. I know that you can do this. You know what you want for happiness, and you know the bottle isn't the answer. It's hard to try to think of other things that can make us happy. It really is, but I think everyone here knew the bottle wasn't the answer, it was only a way to procrastinate. I didn't know how to deal with life without numbing myself. That's not why we were put on this earth for. It's to enjoy life, not to numb our way out of it.
It's tough, not going to argue there. You need to learn a new way of living, and actually liking yourself and liking like. I used to think, yuck........ why would I want that. First you learn to tolerant being amongst the living, then you learn to like it, then you learn to love it.
I can already see the changes in you from your first post till now. You are reaching out to people, you are trying to bare your deep inner soul, not the front that you have to keep up for everyone in this dog eat dog world. I do feel that you are just reaching out for acceptance, just for being you, and forget all about that financial stuff.
You are a person here, and you are who you are here. And that is OK.
We want nothing from you except to help you with your sobriety, and a better life.