LOL funny autan, I even know where it comes from.
When I was a child, in a very dysfunctional family, I was all that and then some to those around me .... or ..... I thought I was.
I thought if I tried, really, really, really hard, I would finally get my pat on the back.
It didn't work you know, kind of, but in the end, not really.
I have felt short-changed ever since.
It isn't what led me to drink tonight you know (and I tried to post earlier, hit the wrong key and my post didn't go through, probably o.k. though). What did was just stress and me trying to be too much, too soon.
I thought before I got the liquor to stop and meditate, didn't, but at least I thought about it.
When I take on too much or try to be the "savior of all," I can't handle it. When I do not try enough, I don't like that either.
Balance is the key to life, a friend in AA told me once. I am trying to find that balance, but having a hard time doing it.
Yes, being ignored makes me feel, well, not worth loving. I felt this years ago, still do I guess.
Part of me knows this, part of me feels selfish as I read others' posts because of it, part of me feels why can't I have this?
Thanks for any replies from anyone.