Feeling like I should do this, but don't know why I can't
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 233
Feeling like I should do this, but don't know why I can't
And, let's just admit it here folks, feeling sorry for myself.
I posted on my Day Two! LOL that I failed and no one answered. Sniff, sniff.
As I sit and drink beer, no more than 9 which is still more than enough, and wonder why I am ignored.
On the flip side, I am better than some, worse than others and read so many people here who need help and feel like a giant schmuck that no one answered.
My problem? Well, I have a hard time balancing my big forward motion and my need to have quiet, less stressful events in my life. Doesn't take too much to throw me off either.
Stopping my crazy, addictive too much at one time is hard as hell for me. I keep thinking people need me, I need to try harder for them, until I take too much from myself.
That's my whine and thank you very much!
I posted on my Day Two! LOL that I failed and no one answered. Sniff, sniff.
As I sit and drink beer, no more than 9 which is still more than enough, and wonder why I am ignored.
On the flip side, I am better than some, worse than others and read so many people here who need help and feel like a giant schmuck that no one answered.
My problem? Well, I have a hard time balancing my big forward motion and my need to have quiet, less stressful events in my life. Doesn't take too much to throw me off either.
Stopping my crazy, addictive too much at one time is hard as hell for me. I keep thinking people need me, I need to try harder for them, until I take too much from myself.
That's my whine and thank you very much!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
Oops, didn't mean to ignore your previous post. I come here randomly and usually only read the threads at the top of the page. Regarding, quitting drinking. You can do it. You just have to want to be sober more than you want the drink. Life can be good or it can be great. Your choice. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Good luck, Gibbons2. We here at sober recovery got your back.
Alcohol Free Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 482
Hi Gibbons,
I think you need a reality check.
No body needs you. No one is that desperate that they want you to try harder for them. These are illusions in your head, that you have invented to give yourself self worth.
You feel ignored on here because, you are trying to manipulate a situation where you want people to be all about you. You tell us yourself that your preconceived rejection by people on this site led you to drink.
All of this is a falsehood of the highest magnitude.
You need to first accept that drinking is altering you perspective and that when you sober, you want the pat on the back for not abusing yourself. This is ridiculous.
There is only one person, you should be focusing on and that is yourself.
There is no so called desire to stop drinking, you just keep it simple and realise to yourself that your not as important as you thought you were. That the self confidence through alcohol is a delusion. ITS SIMPLE DO NOT DRINK AND YOU WILL NOT GET DRUNK.
Some of the best people I know, are those that have survived cancer, because they learned how fragile they were, how close they are to dying and that they need all their strength to focus on getting well, they tell only who they must that they have cancer, they do not need someone to pat them on the back and say "there there".
You must be the same. Focus on yourself, stop your whinging, put that drink where it belongs down the toilet and go to bed and sleep it off.
Wake up later or tomorrow and focus on what it takes to get YOU on track.
I think you need a reality check.
No body needs you. No one is that desperate that they want you to try harder for them. These are illusions in your head, that you have invented to give yourself self worth.
You feel ignored on here because, you are trying to manipulate a situation where you want people to be all about you. You tell us yourself that your preconceived rejection by people on this site led you to drink.
All of this is a falsehood of the highest magnitude.
You need to first accept that drinking is altering you perspective and that when you sober, you want the pat on the back for not abusing yourself. This is ridiculous.
There is only one person, you should be focusing on and that is yourself.
There is no so called desire to stop drinking, you just keep it simple and realise to yourself that your not as important as you thought you were. That the self confidence through alcohol is a delusion. ITS SIMPLE DO NOT DRINK AND YOU WILL NOT GET DRUNK.
Some of the best people I know, are those that have survived cancer, because they learned how fragile they were, how close they are to dying and that they need all their strength to focus on getting well, they tell only who they must that they have cancer, they do not need someone to pat them on the back and say "there there".
You must be the same. Focus on yourself, stop your whinging, put that drink where it belongs down the toilet and go to bed and sleep it off.
Wake up later or tomorrow and focus on what it takes to get YOU on track.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
No one probably saw it gibbons, it as at the end of a positive thread you shared. I hope you are still on that path. Drinking all night is for sure not going to get you anywhere in life.
I had a big ass pity party my last few nights of drinking too. No one cared, no one listened, no one helped. And I came to one conclusion...
F a pity party for poor old me. I was the one throwing down beer all night, sitting around not really doing anything to better my life other than catching a buzz.
So I stopped doing that. Isn't easy really. What's easy is using beer to pass the time and let my mind wander and imagine things and not live. What is worth while is when I stopped all that BS and went thru a couple of weeks of sheer boredom and loneliness... just to SEE if it made a difference.
It did. Try it my friend. We are all here to help you thru it, even if it is minute by minute. there isn't a person here who hasn't felt the way you do, I promise you that. Even if you aren't as bad off as some, or are worse than others means nothing. If you aren't happy with your life, your self and your future then make a change.
We can't do that part for you
I had a big ass pity party my last few nights of drinking too. No one cared, no one listened, no one helped. And I came to one conclusion...
F a pity party for poor old me. I was the one throwing down beer all night, sitting around not really doing anything to better my life other than catching a buzz.
So I stopped doing that. Isn't easy really. What's easy is using beer to pass the time and let my mind wander and imagine things and not live. What is worth while is when I stopped all that BS and went thru a couple of weeks of sheer boredom and loneliness... just to SEE if it made a difference.
It did. Try it my friend. We are all here to help you thru it, even if it is minute by minute. there isn't a person here who hasn't felt the way you do, I promise you that. Even if you aren't as bad off as some, or are worse than others means nothing. If you aren't happy with your life, your self and your future then make a change.
We can't do that part for you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 233
LOL funny autan, I even know where it comes from.
When I was a child, in a very dysfunctional family, I was all that and then some to those around me .... or ..... I thought I was.
I thought if I tried, really, really, really hard, I would finally get my pat on the back.
It didn't work you know, kind of, but in the end, not really.
I have felt short-changed ever since.
It isn't what led me to drink tonight you know (and I tried to post earlier, hit the wrong key and my post didn't go through, probably o.k. though). What did was just stress and me trying to be too much, too soon.
I thought before I got the liquor to stop and meditate, didn't, but at least I thought about it.
When I take on too much or try to be the "savior of all," I can't handle it. When I do not try enough, I don't like that either.
Balance is the key to life, a friend in AA told me once. I am trying to find that balance, but having a hard time doing it.
Yes, being ignored makes me feel, well, not worth loving. I felt this years ago, still do I guess.
Part of me knows this, part of me feels selfish as I read others' posts because of it, part of me feels why can't I have this?
Thanks for any replies from anyone.
When I was a child, in a very dysfunctional family, I was all that and then some to those around me .... or ..... I thought I was.
I thought if I tried, really, really, really hard, I would finally get my pat on the back.
It didn't work you know, kind of, but in the end, not really.
I have felt short-changed ever since.
It isn't what led me to drink tonight you know (and I tried to post earlier, hit the wrong key and my post didn't go through, probably o.k. though). What did was just stress and me trying to be too much, too soon.
I thought before I got the liquor to stop and meditate, didn't, but at least I thought about it.
When I take on too much or try to be the "savior of all," I can't handle it. When I do not try enough, I don't like that either.
Balance is the key to life, a friend in AA told me once. I am trying to find that balance, but having a hard time doing it.
Yes, being ignored makes me feel, well, not worth loving. I felt this years ago, still do I guess.
Part of me knows this, part of me feels selfish as I read others' posts because of it, part of me feels why can't I have this?
Thanks for any replies from anyone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Hey man don't worry about it when you don't get answers on your thread.
Don't take it personal. It happens to me sometimes that only a few post on my thread. I take my threads as a personal journal kind of thing. I just write what I feel and sometimes find solutions as I'm typing to my problems.
The down the toilet option and sleep is a good option, don't you think?
Tomorrows' another day
Don't take it personal. It happens to me sometimes that only a few post on my thread. I take my threads as a personal journal kind of thing. I just write what I feel and sometimes find solutions as I'm typing to my problems.
The down the toilet option and sleep is a good option, don't you think?
Tomorrows' another day
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
This is a very busy time of year Gibbons.
I was not here but even if I had been I might have missed it.
There's no need to make it personal tho - we all want to help, but you need to do your share too and make some noise when you need help - maybe start a new thread?
D
I was not here but even if I had been I might have missed it.
There's no need to make it personal tho - we all want to help, but you need to do your share too and make some noise when you need help - maybe start a new thread?
D
Alcohol Free Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 482
Originally Posted by Gibbons2 
LOL funny autan, I even know where it comes from.
When I was a child, in a very dysfunctional family, I was all that and then some to those around me .... or ..... I thought I was.
I thought if I tried, really, really, really hard, I would finally get my pat on the back.
It didn't work you know, kind of, but in the end, not really.
I have felt short-changed ever since.
It isn't what led me to drink tonight you know (and I tried to post earlier, hit the wrong key and my post didn't go through, probably o.k. though). What did was just stress and me trying to be too much, too soon.
I thought before I got the liquor to stop and meditate, didn't, but at least I thought about it.
When I take on too much or try to be the "savior of all," I can't handle it. When I do not try enough, I don't like that either.
Balance is the key to life, a friend in AA told me once. I am trying to find that balance, but having a hard time doing it.
Yes, being ignored makes me feel, well, not worth loving. I felt this years ago, still do I guess.
Part of me knows this, part of me feels selfish as I read others' posts because of it, part of me feels why can't I have this?
Thanks for any replies from anyone.
When I was a child, in a very dysfunctional family, I was all that and then some to those around me .... or ..... I thought I was.
I thought if I tried, really, really, really hard, I would finally get my pat on the back.
It didn't work you know, kind of, but in the end, not really.
I have felt short-changed ever since.
It isn't what led me to drink tonight you know (and I tried to post earlier, hit the wrong key and my post didn't go through, probably o.k. though). What did was just stress and me trying to be too much, too soon.
I thought before I got the liquor to stop and meditate, didn't, but at least I thought about it.
When I take on too much or try to be the "savior of all," I can't handle it. When I do not try enough, I don't like that either.
Balance is the key to life, a friend in AA told me once. I am trying to find that balance, but having a hard time doing it.
Yes, being ignored makes me feel, well, not worth loving. I felt this years ago, still do I guess.
Part of me knows this, part of me feels selfish as I read others' posts because of it, part of me feels why can't I have this?
Thanks for any replies from anyone.
You can do this, if I can do it and I am very weak willed, then anyone can.
I too have come from a dysfuctional family, where no matter what I did, it was never good enough. I saw people around me, getting their praise and well dones, but not me.
So I made a choice, I would be my own back patter. I even clap
when I do something well. I need no one and no one needs me.For my family, I am there for them 100% and only by me being sober can I achieve this. They dont need an active alcohol drinking all night, they need someone they can rely on.
If they had an accident at 2am in the morning, they need me to start the car and drive them to hospital, not boozed up too drunk to drive.
You need to give yourself the praise, the tough love and your own self worth, because alcohol is basically just getting in your way now.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Gibbons2
As I sit and drink beer, no more than 9 which is still more than enough, and wonder why I am ignored.
SR doesn't work for everyone. Maybe for the same reason you drank. If you need affirmation, perhaps you should add face-to-face support to your recovery plan. With real people. Not that we aren't real.
But sometimes I wonder.
Pour out the beer and start over.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 233
No, I don't. I did do this, years ago, got sober via the Web. I can do it, it is very hard though.
I know my mindset isn't there yet, but in some ways it is coming there. I do know that.
I do want to be sober again, yet, indeed, it is so easy to whine about the past.
In the end, whether I tried my butt of to work, work, work really hard, my Dad was still sick and I have to forgive him for that. My Mom too for spending too much time trying for him and not enough for me.
Oddly, my sisters went off and did their own things. I never did. I just kept working.
It is what has gotten me to this point, of quitting my job after 19 years. But d*mn, I DO try. I tried. Why can't anyone seem to give me a little something? I didn't even have a raise for 7 years.
Same way I felt at home, but really when I reflect, it was worse than that. At least when my Dad got sober, I did get something back. Love, attention and a person he trusted. And I knew it.
No autan, I do not feel how you do. While I can be everything for everyone, I want feed back, love, attention, etc. You should too. While I want the pat on the back and want to try, try, try, at some point I give up. I do not want to go it alone. I need people and I believe they need me. The balance is truly what I need to find.
Between me and them. And you should too. There is nothing wrong with expecting someone to cheer you on.
I know my mindset isn't there yet, but in some ways it is coming there. I do know that.
I do want to be sober again, yet, indeed, it is so easy to whine about the past.
In the end, whether I tried my butt of to work, work, work really hard, my Dad was still sick and I have to forgive him for that. My Mom too for spending too much time trying for him and not enough for me.
Oddly, my sisters went off and did their own things. I never did. I just kept working.
It is what has gotten me to this point, of quitting my job after 19 years. But d*mn, I DO try. I tried. Why can't anyone seem to give me a little something? I didn't even have a raise for 7 years.
Same way I felt at home, but really when I reflect, it was worse than that. At least when my Dad got sober, I did get something back. Love, attention and a person he trusted. And I knew it.
No autan, I do not feel how you do. While I can be everything for everyone, I want feed back, love, attention, etc. You should too. While I want the pat on the back and want to try, try, try, at some point I give up. I do not want to go it alone. I need people and I believe they need me. The balance is truly what I need to find.
Between me and them. And you should too. There is nothing wrong with expecting someone to cheer you on.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I think we all get used to immediate gratification Gibbon - thats what drinking is, in essense - so I certainly understand that...I think we all do 
There's nothing wrong with wanting support either. Thats what we do, and our members have huge hearts.
The problem I had was in expecting gratification, rewards or support - when I didn't get those things early on I got resentful.
Don't get resentful.
You're part of the gang, part of the family here , and as long as you genuinely and honestly want to get sober and stay that way, I can guarantee you support here.
have you thought about joining the Class of December thread at all?
D
There's nothing wrong with wanting support either. Thats what we do, and our members have huge hearts.
The problem I had was in expecting gratification, rewards or support - when I didn't get those things early on I got resentful.
Don't get resentful.
You're part of the gang, part of the family here , and as long as you genuinely and honestly want to get sober and stay that way, I can guarantee you support here.
have you thought about joining the Class of December thread at all?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 233
Don't know about that Dee, but I will look into it. I know I am drunk, being a whiner and I hate that. I have whined my @ss off for the last 7 years and it didn't help.
I have a h*ll of a hard time accepting imperfections in people, in myself, in this crazy, f*cked up world we all live in. I keep wanting the fairy tale I guess. Why is it not better? The people more perfect? Why can't I be? I have been accused of this before.
Like I said, this afternoon, why I got the beer, part of me knew take a deep breath, don't let life overwhelm you, calm, calm, calm.
Drinking is the great escape, but lately, not so much. That is the reason I want to quit.
I want something TRUE in this world and besides God and myself, maybe that is all there is. The thing is, with me trying my own business now, I am scared to death that maybe I can't believe in me either.
I really, really, really, want to. But after you have spent as much time as I have, relying on everyone else, to stop, drop, meditate and take care of myself is really hard to do. LOL. I don't even think, when I was sober years ago, I ever did it.
I have a h*ll of a hard time accepting imperfections in people, in myself, in this crazy, f*cked up world we all live in. I keep wanting the fairy tale I guess. Why is it not better? The people more perfect? Why can't I be? I have been accused of this before.
Like I said, this afternoon, why I got the beer, part of me knew take a deep breath, don't let life overwhelm you, calm, calm, calm.
Drinking is the great escape, but lately, not so much. That is the reason I want to quit.
I want something TRUE in this world and besides God and myself, maybe that is all there is. The thing is, with me trying my own business now, I am scared to death that maybe I can't believe in me either.
I really, really, really, want to. But after you have spent as much time as I have, relying on everyone else, to stop, drop, meditate and take care of myself is really hard to do. LOL. I don't even think, when I was sober years ago, I ever did it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
All great points made above! I'm not sure if "the fairy tale" is possible, but being sober is definitly a better way to go about trying to achieve things in life, the job, the relationship etc etc
We're all pretty far from perfect, this being a support website for alcohol/substances, it sorta comes with the territory, but we can change, and we can improve our lives, but we must really WANT to strive for it!
. . . and when it gets tough, we can rely on online support/meetings etc to get us through!!
We're all pretty far from perfect, this being a support website for alcohol/substances, it sorta comes with the territory, but we can change, and we can improve our lives, but we must really WANT to strive for it!
. . . and when it gets tough, we can rely on online support/meetings etc to get us through!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I was the worlds oldest teenager, Gibbons....but once you make the decision to really embrace being a fully functioning independent adulthood, it's a pretty quick learning curve...and there's support here and in other places.
If I could do it? anyone can
D
If I could do it? anyone can
D
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
I had a tough upbringing which led to low self-esteem. I took me too long to realise that fundamentally, I was an ok person, I didn't need others approval, just my own. Just get back on the horse and give yourself a huge pat on the back and a virtual one from me. You are worth something, don't let people get you down. I don't anymore. I only have a few good people that I keep close and that's all I need. There are too many ready to criticise. Perhaps if they walked in your shoes for a day they would not. xxx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 77
You matter. We care. You have to put yourself first. Don't think about anything else at first. Just hour by hour think about you and how you are doing this for you. Honestly....NOTHING else matters right now. Be positive my friend. You are stronger than you think.....
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