Originally Posted by dwtbd

Making a Big Plan, or the idea of a Big Plan in general was a turning point for me. Before I knew the phrase, prior to learning of RR/AVRT, I made a BP hundreds of times, hundreds of regret filled never agains, most have I'm sure.

But those I now see as big plans(lowercase), because though I was truly regretful of my actions and didn't want to suffer the consequences , nor continue to, I made the plan while entertaining on different levels the notion of the disease model of addiction. I let myself believe I was most likely going to be influenced by 'something' beyond me control. That relapse was nearly inevitable, I was determined to fight it but I felt that drinking again was possible or even likely, whether I sincerely wanted to quit or not.

I now have a Big Plan, I will never drink again, and I will never change my mind. It establishes a different mindset a 'tool' to borrow a recovery term, a big one too, sledgehammer size. This tool affirms for me that it will stay in place in happiness , sadness during or 'in' any 'ness'. Forgetting or ignoring it are not options. I no longer believe something beyond my control influences that decision.
I ended my addiction, my BP is the tool I use to never let it start again.

So I think I see what Jess is saying. Never couldn't be said or affirmed while knowing or thinking that future drinking was a possibility. If I still believed the disease model , I couldn't have made mine either.

Jess awesome thread, your honesty and integrity are inspiring , Onward!