Originally Posted by
grizz 
One of the most damaging interpersonal scenarios occurs when the addict, usually as the consequence of some unforeseen crisis directly stemming from his addiction, promises with all of the sincerity at his command to stop his addictive behavior and never under any circumstances to resume it again.
"I promise," the addict pleads, sometimes with tears in his eyes. "I know I have been wrong, and this time I have learned my lesson. You'll never have to worry about me again. It will never happen again!"
But it does happen again and again, and again, and again. Each time the promises, each time their breaking. Those who first responded to his sincere sounding promises of reform with relief, hope and at times even joy soon become disillusioned and bitter.
So familiar with this. It was losing my own emotional compass that drove me away eventually. It was feeling sad and anxious around him, even when he was sober. It was knowing that the whole thing was a fragile house of cards.
Originally Posted by
grizz The question of fairness arises as the addict attempts to extenuate his own admitted transgressions by repeated references to what he considers the equal or greater faults of those who complain of his addictive behavior. This natural defensive maneuver of "the best defense is a good offense" variety can be the first step on a slippery slope that leads to the paranoid demonization of the very people the addict cares about the most.
I couldn't bear to hear him repeat that I was the broken liar, the untrustworthy, unreliable partner, often calling me psychotic & delusional. Even once I understood that he was saying those things to deflect blame and protect his addiction, it hurt like hell and I just couldn't take it anymore.