Originally Posted by
hopeful4 
Well, yesterday I called AH and told him we need to sit down very soon and discuss things because we will have to separate after the holidays. I told him I hope we can be adults about all of it and that we both love our kids more than anything and have years of coparenting them and hopefully we will be able to do so and not be at each others throats.
He cannot seem to grasp that I am being very real about this. Last night DD had an orthodontist appt about 30 mins away. Normally he does not go but last night decided to ride along which is fine. We are not fighting or anything, I am simply quite detatched and miserable how he makes me feel and have realized I cannot continue in this way.
At bedtime he says, "So I think today has been a pretty good day." I am like, "What?" He continues to ask me why I don't think it has been. I say...um...because we discussed the need to separate and maybe for you it has no affect but for me it makes me sad and anxious.
He goes on to say how he is going to prove to me we don't need to do this and how things will be better now.
Really....after all the BS you think you can do it now?!! I don't think so! However, I just let him quack away, as I realize he believes it even himself. That's ok..I am still preparing to do what I need to do on my side of the street. Just frustrated that he does not seem to take me seriously.
We are getting ready to get 8-10 inches of snow and ice here. Hope everyone is safe where you are!
My AH does this too. Each and every time I tell him that I'm unhappy and if things don't change we are going to have to separate. That begins our cycle, he "cuts down", (never quits)and his behaviors improve for a while and he is more involved and helping around the house till he thinks things are "good" again and then he starts increasing the amount he drinks and we are right back to square one. To him I really think he thinks he can do it but then it all comes spiraling down again. It's hard for me, because I easily get sucked back into the "what if this time it's really different". My advice is to look at his behaviors and not what he says. If he truly means it, he would be doing everything possible to stay sober and change things. It is a disease, a serious addiction and without formal treatment and a continued recovery plan (AA or Addcition therapy) the odds are stacked way against them and they will not be successful.