For me and my ADH it didn't work and I was so sure it would. I though for sure when faced with the loss of his family, wife and kids he would run straight to rehab and finally decide to be sober once and for all. I was wrong, duped, deceived yet again. He got better at hiding it from me and everyone else. It's not so black and white. If it was that easy to get an A to stop drinking then there wouldn't be any A's because at some point they eventually lose it all, family, friends, work, etc. The 3 C's come into play. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it and you can't control it. he will only change when HE is ready to change. It unfortunately has nothing to do with you and your wishes. Hugs, I know how it feels. We say to ourselves if only he would stop then life would be perfect. Keep focusing on yourself. That is the part you can control. If you give an ultimatum you have to be prepared to follow through with it or it means nothing. I defnitely learned that on this board and through al-anon. I am in the process of doing just that.